


Journal Entries

by B3low



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Consensual Underage Sex, First Love, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lay is a super minor character, M/M, Mpreg, Physical Disability, broken!kaisoo, just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 14:03:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16409843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B3low/pseuds/B3low
Summary: Beginning of 2036The Best-Selling Author, Kim Jongin, after 15 years of writing after starting at the tender age of 16, is declaring retirement today. Most of his novels bring in the message of loss and hope in many settings from teenage angst to mid-life crisis. The secluded Mr. Kim brought to light topics that were taboo at the time, sexual violence, teenage pregnancy, and social issues to name a few, were reoccurring topics in many of his novels. Novels such as Peacefully Indifferent, Upside Down Downtown, and Summer Dress will surely go down in history as classics. Not all hope is lost, Mr. Kim said he will publish one last novel. No date has been set, but everyone is anticipating its release.





	Journal Entries

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted from AFF  
> Originally Posted: December 24th, 2015  
> Everyone is aged down in this universe.

August 27th, 2017  
Umma said we have to move to Busan because the cost of Seoul is too high. As an apology, she bought me this journal “ to have something to vent to”. I’m still upset, but I know everything isn’t easy when you’re a broke single mother in a conservative country that frowns on anything not a traditional family. We can’t help it though! Our father left us! I’m just so upset that selfish man can do this to us because he  ‘found his other half’ and not get any consequences’… I digress, I’m not wasting paper on him.

Sept 14th, 2017  
We just finished moving in yesterday, the accent is so weird. It sounds like everyone is mad all the time. The two-bedroom apartment is enough for us. It’s not too bad, but not better than the apartment in Seoul. We met the neighbors and their chubby son, Kyungsoo-hyung. I don’t think he likes me, all he did was glare at me.

Sept 17th, 2017  
I had my first day of middle school today, luckily Kyungsoo-hyung attends also so he showed me around, but this is his last year. He’s a couple years older, but his face is so squishy he looks my age... So I guess I’m going to have to make friends in my year.

Dec 26, 2017  
Umma and I celebrated Christmas with the Do’s . Kyungsoo-hyung is actually pretty nice, but he still kinda scares me. His glare just doesn’t go away.

Jan 12, 2018  
It’s Kyungsoo-hyung’s Birthday! He’s so old now, the big 15. We’ve been getting closer since Christmas, he comes over or I go over almost every day after school. I have a card for him that I drew all over since he complimented my doodles in my room.

Jan 14, 2018  
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!  It’s practically over since it’s 10 pm… I’m 13 now, basically an adult. Hyung came over holding a small cake and he had glasses on. He told me he hates his glasses so he always glares instead of putting them on to see. That explains sooooo much. He even sang to me! All I gave him was a card, I feel bad! Next year will be better for sure.

Feb 14th, 2018  
It’s Valentine’s Day and hyung received A LOT of chocolate. He told me he doesn’t even like chocolate, so he gave it all to me. I didn’t get any chocolate because I’m still awkward with everyone in my class. It’s okay though, I still have Hyung.

April 28th, 2018  
I haven’t written in a while.. after Valentine’s day I decided to get myself out and talk to more people. So I joined the school’s dance club and met Lee Taemin. We were so good together Ms. Im let us do a duo stage and I even managed to get a solo! I’m awesome I know. Sadly, I’m always practicing and will continue to practice for the next two weeks when we have the performance. I’m nervous and excited to invite hyung. I haven’t seen him in a while. Would he accept the invitation?  
  

 

May 9th, 2018  
The Showcase was amazing! I had a stand of ovation. Hyung ran to me with a huge bouquet of flowers and hugged me! (It was a really nice hug). Umma and hyung’s parents congratulated me also ( Umma gave me the messiest kiss, it was sooooo embarrassing) but then she said we could go out and eat whatever! I’m so full now!

May 12th, 2018  
Hyung is taking his high school exams right now. He was a nervous wreck all this morning. I hugged him tightly and he seemed to have relaxed, he smiled so prettily at me.

August 30th, 2018  
 The entire summer was full of hyung and I spending time together. We knew we wouldn’t see each other a lot since we’ll be going to different schools now. We had a lot of sleepovers at both of our apartments. We did so much I can’t remember all of it! I didn’t write a lot because it’ll be weird to show hyung my diary journal.

Sept 6th, 2018  
The first day of the second year of middle school started today. There was a new student today, Byun Baekhyun. He decided to perform his introduction to the class then proceeded to grind on me since I sit in the front. I can tell the teachers are going to love him (sarcasm). I actually became pretty close with him today.. after all that.

Oct 15th, 2018  
Baekhyun is a little shit, every time I mention hyung’s name he makes loud obnoxious kissy faces. Rumors spread fast, so now everyone thinks I’m dating a high schooler. Hopefully, hyung hasn’t heard anything about this. Baekhyun and Taemin insist on embarrassing me about this.

Dec 20th, 2018  
Hyung found out eventually we just laughed together and he said “I only like you as a friend,” I agreed, but my heart hurt a little.

Jan 13th, 2019  
Hyung and I decided to have our birthdays’ together today. We’re having the official party on the weekend. He sang for me and I danced for him. I kept thinking it was romantic, but I know he doesn’t like me. Do I even like him? I just know I want to be with him all the time and I want him to be happy and look at me... Oh no.

Jan 18th, 2019  
The party is awful. Well, it’s good being with friends and food, but Kyungsoo brought a date, a DATE. He never mentioned having a girlfriend. I’m hiding right now writing this, but Umma is calling me to blow out the candles. If I catch them kissing I’m going to throw up.

Feb 14th, 2019  
Four girls and two guys gave me chocolate today. After the rumor, I was dating a high schooler faded and getting popular with dance people actually started to get attracted to me (surprise right?). I didn’t ask hyung what he was doing today. Probably making out with Hyeri…eww. But I enjoyed the chocolate. I was even nice enough to share with Taemin since he didn’t get any this year. (I ate most of them before dance practice Ms. Im was not happy with my poor practice, oops)

Feb 20th, 2019  
I had a wet dream about Kyungsoo last night. I am disgusting. He’s in a relationship. He’s my hyung, just a great friend despite us not being able to talk a lot. No, you can’t have him.

April 23rd, 2019  
There is a new couple that moved next door. They’re a gay couple with one of the men pregnant. Umma made me come with her to welcome them. Lu Han and Kim Minseok. Han-hyung looked like he was about to pop. Minseok-hyung works all the time and he asked Umma quietly if she knew anyone that could keep an eye on Han especially since they don’t know anyone (underlining his fear people will be rude and mean to Lu Han). She volun-told me. So now I have to help/visit the pregnant male 3 times a week after club and school. Supposedly he used to be a teacher so he even offered to tutor me for free. Great.

May 14th, 2019  
The Dance showcase was today, I had chosen to dance to a melancholic song expressing isolation, the dance was slow, but toward the end, I was the most tired I’ve ever felt in my life. I didn’t invite hyung because he was the reason behind the dance. When I bowed I received another stand of ovation, but a lot of people also had tears in their eyes. Image my surprise when hyung comes up slow and composed with flowers again to give me. I had grown taller and he had slimmed down. Hyung is REALLY handsome. I realized that we hadn’t seen each other much since our birthday party. He gave a quiet congratulations and a nod, but there was something in his expression that kept me staring. He gave me the flowers and disappeared in the large crowd of people surrounding me. (I didn’t even notice them, only him)

May 20th, 2019  
For the past month, I have been going to The Kim-Lu’s house to keep Han-hyung company, it also helps me not think about hyung. I mostly just grab for things Han-hyung can’t reach. He gives me food, helps me with homework, and even teaches me Mandarin. To Umma’s satisfaction, my grades have gone up significantly. When I’ve done everything he needs he’ll just talk my head off. He went into a very detailed sequence of events on how Minseok-hyung and he met and eventually married and are now pregnant with twins (that explains why he looks like he’s about to pop, but is only 6 months along). The entire time he talked I kept thinking of Kyungsoo-hyung. We could probably fall in love, I would like that a lot…

June 8, 2019  
It was the first day of summer break and I didn’t do anything, nothing, nada, zip. Baekhyun went to his grandparents. Taemin is gone for a week to go to a wedding, and LuHan didn’t even need anything. Hyung had texted me earlier but I ignored it, choosing to be alone than seeing him.

July 25th, 2019  
It was pretty random, but hyung came by yesterday and we had a really good time. We even had an impromptu sleepover reminding me how close we used to be. We talked all night and caught up on each other lives since we saw each other. He told me he and Hyeri broke up a couple weeks after Valentine’s Day. I asked him why and he just gave me a smoldering look. He also had joined some singing clubs for school and invited me to a performance. I couldn’t say yes fast enough; I’m glad I did because he gave one of the best smiles I’ve ever seen.

 

August 11th, 2019  
Baby Sehun and Hansol were born last night and I know I’m going to be stuck on babysitting duty.

Sept 29th, 2019  
Today was Kyungsoo hyung’s singing performance. It seemed like a talent show hosted by the school for charity or something. Let's just say Hyung probably brought in most of the donations. His voice is like snuggling into your favorite blanket drinking hot chocolate (because coffee is disgusting) and enjoying a book with smooth R&B playing in the background. That is what hyung’s voice reminded me of. I was so smitten I almost forgot to give hyung the small bouquet of flowers. I’m glad I didn’t because when he saw them he blushed and… I can feel myself falling.

Nov 9th, 2019  
I had another wet dream of Hyung. They’ve actually been happening a lot lately but they are usually just of us making out and being close, but last night’s dream was different. We were completely naked and I felt so vulnerable but… safe. I’ve never had sex before, but it felt so familiar in my dream like we had done it a million times before.

Dec 5th, 2019  
I was right about babysitting duty. Minseok-hyung and Han-hyung wanted to go on a date so I had to babysit. Eventually, hyung came by, he did so well with the babies I couldn’t stop staring. Thoughts of that vivid wet dream crossed my mind and I thought about us having children.

Jan 13th, 2020  
I’m in love with Do Kyungsoo and I want everything and anything he has to offer, I’m positive I will love it all. We celebrated another year of being alive together and I wanted to hug him and kiss him. He has grown so handsome, I fought lustful thoughts the entire time we exchanged gifts at my house. Umma had left so I was tempted to do something, hug, kiss, flirt. I don’t know!! I’ve never had to do this !!! I didn’t do anything we just talked about my progress studying for high school exams and recent movies. If I confessed would he accept me or reject me?

Feb 3rd, 2020  
Umma dropped a bomb on me today. We might be moving again soon. She had found a job in China, a field she actually studied in college. [While she was with my dad he prevented her from working, that’s why we had to move after he left us, being a housemother doesn’t pay much.] If everything goes well we’ll be moving by the end of this year. Time is ticking and I’m actually more upset I haven’t tried more with hyung.

Feb 14th, 2020  
I did it. I threw a box of chocolate at Kyungsoo-hyung, literally. I waited in front of my apartment door until he got home, which wasn’t until the evening, and before he walked through his door I called his name and threw the candy at him. I turned and ran back into the apartment before knowing what body part I hit. I only heard ”oomph” It wasn’t until I got ready for bed that I remembered hyung doesn’t like chocolate.

March 2nd, 2020  
It’s official we’re moving to Beijing this September. The worst thing is I’ve been avoiding hyung for the past month. I don’t know how I haven’t been caught yet, oh I know why, I don’t get home until the sun has gone down and when Umma calls me to greet Kyungsoo I fake sick. Umma is actually getting concerned for my health. How can I tell Umma her son is suffering from love-sickness? Ew, you need to stop.

 

March 20th, 2020  
I am feeling such a flurry of emotions I can’t even write correctly. Kyungsoo –hyung kissed me!!!!!!!!!!! I am shocked, appalled, questioning my sanity, but very much in love. I walked into our apartment at 8 pm after stalling at school and there is hyung on the couch in my living room. He looked deliciously mad and next thing I know he’s kissing me. My first kiss. It was everything I thought it would be. Perfect.

April 10th, 2020  
Soooooooooooooooooooo Kyungsoo-hyung is now my boyfriend, I can’t stop giggling (manly giggles). Hyung’s not a huge fan of PDA, in fact, it would seem to the public we’re still just friends, but when no one’s looking he kisses me all over my face and hugs me so tight I feel like I might break apart if he lets go. Our age difference isn’t that big, but when comparing 15-year-olds to 17-year-olds there is a huge difference in responsibility, especially when revealing your gay lover. I understand hyung is trying to save face. Once I tried to hold hands, even in the dark, and hyung quickly stuffed his hand into his pocket. It hurts, but l get it. I just want a part of him that signifies us as real.

May 8th, 2020  
Today was my last dance recital for middle school, probably for South Korea. I told a story. One with happiness being crippled, but with a little hope it healed. I pretended no one was watching, not even Kyungsoo. This dance was for me.

May 11th, 2020  
I have to take my high school entrance exam tomorrow. I’m going to die. A good thing about having a boyfriend is that they cheer you up, especially if they were your best friend first. I just want to score high enough to get into Kyungsoo’s school even though I won’t be able to stay the whole year. Hyung doesn’t know that yet. I honestly have no idea how I’m going to tell him, but I need to tell him soon.

June 1s,t 2020  
I made into hyung’s high school!! I’ll be in my first year while he’s on his last. Unfortunately not everything last because Umma is already scheduling and getting ready for our move.

June 20t,h 2020  
I told him that we were moving. He wasn’t even mad, he said he suspected it when he talked to Umma and she brought up a new job. I felt so guilty that I cried on him. Hyung just told me we’ll make the best of our time left. I want to try for both of us. I’m still waiting for that piece of him, something purely mine, that’s not memories in this notebook.

 

July 9th, 2020  
Well…I’m no longer a virgin. Umma had gone to Beijing for a week and I had hyung sleep over until she came back since it’s the summer. The Do’s trust me so they didn’t mind (if only they knew what we were doing). Hyung was so gentle (I don’t know if had done this before or he did a lot of research. I just know he was more prepared for me). I was so scared the entire time, but the trust and love I have for hyung was stronger.

Aug 5th, 2020  
I don’t know how but every day for this summer since July Kyungsoo and I have been sexing it up. How did we have a purely platonic relationship before this? We’ve done it literally everywhere in our apartments except our parents’ room. Me moving in a month is just making me feel guilty and nausea. Kyungsoo graduates after this year and I’ll be selfish to make him wait for me.

Sept 6th, 2020  
Right now Umma and I are thousands of feet into the air flying to Beijing while I fight nausea. The past couple of days was moving big furniture out of the apartment and today was a rest day. Yesterday was the good-byes. Minseok hyung nodded and pat my back. I could hardly contain my tears while Han-hyung cried and hugged me while one-year-old toddlers Sehun and Hansol were being held by Minseok hyung. Baekhyun and Taemin gave me a scrapbook of our two-year friendship. I haven’t looked through it yet but I’m sure it’ll be full of unflattering pictures of me in class. The Do’s gave me a well-mannered good bye; Mrs. Do gave me the warmest hug.  
I saw hyung last, I feel like he was avoiding me. It was 11pm and I didn’t get any warning when a sobbing Kyungsoo was in my arms outside my almost empty apartment. We sat in the hallway for 30 minutes not saying anything, just feeling. He was obviously surprised when I suggested we break up. I was starting to get sick, my stomach turned as he tried to argue with me; he tried to fight for me. I explained the guilt, his hesitation, and my uncertainty of my future; we are still young after all. He stood up angrily after and walked away. Like ripping off a Band-Aid our end was quick and painful.

Sept 14th, 2020  
            I thought it was just nervousness or post-breakup blues, the nausea was constant, but one trip to the local clinic confirmed I was, in fact, a little less than two months along with child. Kyungsoo-hyung’s child. Umma is crying in the next room. We haven’t even unpacked in our new apartment. I don’t know what to do. I know I said I wanted a piece of hyung, but nothing like this.

Sept 29th, 2020  
A lot has happened in the past two weeks. Umma and I finished moving into the apartment, but she still won’t look me in the eye, but she always insists I eat. The mandarin lessons with LuHan really helped in preparation for Beijing. I started school; it had started a month earlier so I wasn’t too far behind. My nausea has died down, but I have a little bump showing the growth of my child. My poor poor child. I haven’t even tried to contact Kyungsoo-hyung. I met another Korean in class, Kim Jongdae. He’s cute but loud. I wonder how quickly he’ll stop talking to me when I start showing drastically. I’m still signed up for dance class, the doctor said it’s healthy to keep moving and I need the release.

Oct 10th, 2020  
I’m convinced the captain of the dance team knows I’m pregnant. During practice, he’s always around and watching me. I almost fell and he caught me and warned me about being careful. Umma and I came to an agreement that we’d only tell the principal, perhaps he told the dance teacher and he told the captain? Whatever... he hasn’t said anything too suspicious he’s just creepy. The co-captain is better.

Oct 16th, 2020  
I’m 13 weeks pregnant. I should probably add an interesting baby fact. My baby is the size of a peach now. I’m pretty small to say I’m 13 weeks pregnant considering I haven’t had to change my wardrobe yet. I can tell I’m having a boy, mother’s instinct. Umma started a baby book for me that has all the ultrasounds and other baby facts. It took some time for me to accept the fact that this is very much real and I’m having a baby. I’m going to love this child with all my heart and more.

Oct 30th, 2020  
Jongdae found out. He tried to tickle me and instead he found a baby bump under my sweater. He just had a look of wonder and asked “Is that why you moved here!?” but started laughing. He never asked me who the father was I would probably tell him because it’s not like he’ll ever meet him. I hit my second-trimester last week. It’s funny because I don’t have those crazy cravings or mood swings. Taeoh still pretty small to say he’s 15 weeks. I’ve gained a little weight, but I still fit my uniform. I’m a little relieved I’m pregnant around this time, I can hide it better with sweaters and large outerwear.

 

Nov 17th, 2020  
I told my dance teacher I’d be dropping the class, he didn’t seem happy. It looks weird practicing advance choreography with the biggest sweater on. Yixing, the co-captain, insisted that I continued to visit them. He said I was one of the best dancers he’d seen and I blushed really hard after he said that. Jongdae was standing right there and he wouldn’t shut up about it until we separated ways to go home.

 

Dec 14th, 2020  
I can’t hide it anymore despite it being winter and sweaters are great for hiding baby bumps. I have grown too large to not look pregnant. To make things worse Yixing is always around me, meaning I have to hide my stomach 24/7. With Jongdae I can unravel and even show my stomach, while we pig out on my couch.  I don’t like Yixing romantically, but I don’t want him to avoid me after finding out I’m 5 months pregnant. I actually enjoy his company.

Dec 20th, 2020  
Last night Yixing text me asking if we can walk around downtown tomorrow and perhaps get some food. I know it’s a date to him but, I’m just going to use this opportunity to waste time and get out of the apartment.

Feb 28th, 2021

How can I possibly explain what has happened in the last few months adequately.  
I had turned 16, a good thing I guess, another year alive. Barely.  
I went on a walk December 21st with a former classmate who I knew had a crush on me. As I hid my 22-week pregnant belly underneath my bubble coat and oversized sweatpants to look casually comfortable I laughed and was enjoying my time with Yixing. We had dinner and he was walking me back home (literally 10 more mins and I would’ve been safe) when we ran into the dance captain. I will not write his name.  
He was jealous, I could tell because his face was similar to Kyungsoo-hyung’s whenever I hugged Baekhyun for ‘long’ amounts of time.  
The mandarin he spoke to Yixing was too quick for me to grasp. Next thing I know he unzipped my bubble coat off in Beijing winter to expose me. I felt naked as Yixing eyes trailed down to my baby bump his expression unreadable. Then he just turned around and left. No surprise, now that I think about it, I’m sadly use to losing people.  
So there I was cold, a little heartbroken, and begging to get my jacket back from my former classmate. I just wanted to get home, call Jongdae or snuggle with Umma. I just wanted to leave. Back to Kyungsoo-hyung, Minseok-hyung and Han-hyung, Baekhyun, and Taemin back Home.  
I didn’t go home that night though; I went to hell, eternal flame and torture. That person, whom I will not name shoved my cold form into a public bathroom and …..oh god I can’t say it, I can’t even write it, still.  
I woke up in the hospital. I felt empty and numb, emotionally and physically. Umma was asleep next to me and judging by her oily hair she was next to me for a while. I found out I had been asleep for a week. I grabbed my stomach. Nothing.  
Jongdae had just walked in with a bottle of water. When he saw me awake he started sobbing loudly.  
“I’m so sorry. There was so much damage, but he’s gone, he’s gone…” The words weren’t sinking in, but I was right though, I had a boy. It was enough for me to ignore the fact I couldn’t feel my legs.

April 20th, 2021  
This is my last entry in this Journal.  
I’ve been out of the hospital for a week now. I’m still mourning, my sweet little TaeOh, he didn’t even have a chance. My legs were damaged during the beating I received that caused me to lose my child. The Doctors said that I’ll probably never have kids again due to the severity and the damage done while I was being ra- I have to stop. My therapist told me not to push myself. I take medication to help with the nightmares, and several panic attacks, along with anxiety. I refused to continue going to school, so now I’m getting homeschooled. It’s so hard to relax. I’m now in a wheelchair and it’s frustrating all the time. I yelled at Jongdae because he wanted to help me get unstuck from a corner. I felt so bad because I understand his concern. These days I don’t think about Kyungsoo. Sometimes he seems like a pleasant dream to me now, but the death of my baby reminds me of him since he gifted me my child. I wonder what he would think. I lost his first child; one he didn’t even know he had. I don’t even want to acknowledge Yixing, but I couldn’t hate him. He had no clue what would happen, and he was probably scared after seeing me pregnant.  
Recently a new passion I found was writing, instead of expressing my mood with dance I chose my words. This journal doesn’t count… this was personal; something I don’t want anyone to read, but I will not get rid of it. I will keep it out of everyone’s sight and reveal it when I’m ready. Ready for what? I’m not sure, but I’ll know when it comes.

 

Middle of 2037  
Do Kyungsoo was steeping his tea while listening to the local Morning Show. His husband Junmyeon was dropping their two kids off at school when he hears the familiar name, Kim Jongin, from the television. For the past 15 years, he’s been hearing about his teenage love write successful novels and has bought every one of them. He even has the last novel that was released yesterday. He hasn’t started it yet because of his hectic schedule, besides Junmyeon wanted to start it first, his husband has grown to love the author as well.

Not even a week later Kyungsoo is putting the kids to bed and Junmyeon insists on talking to him before bed.  
“I need you to read this before this weekend. We’ll talk later,”  
It was Jongin’s new book. Kyungsoo knew it only took his husband three days to finish the novel, it was really small, but was it really that good?

It took him less than three days to get through the book and Kyungsoo was livid. The first person he called was his old Minseok Hyung.  
“Did you know about this?” He didn’t even have to specify what he was talking about.  
Minseok sighed over the phone “Of course I did Kyungsoo, Jongin had us sign release papers months ago since our names would be published. Did you not know?”  
“So… everything is true..”

 

Bright lights were shining on Jongin’s face and he could barely move his face with the amount of makeup caked on it. He was already tired.  
“Now Mr. Kim-”  
“Jongin is fine”  
“Alright Jongin-ah, many of the readers and myself included are very interested in knowing if this a fiction or a non-fiction?  
“It’s fiction,” Jongin answered with no hesitation.  
The journalist raised her eyebrow.  
“Journal Entries is fiction?”  
“ That’s what I’m telling you.” The author confirmed.  
“It just so hard to believe that when this novel is written in a different format, so much more personal, rudimentary if I may add, compared to the rest of your books. It makes the reader think this has to be some type of primary resource documentation of your childhood.” The journalist pressed. Jongin knew how to handle her.  
“Thank you for you just explained my angle. I wanted to show my readers a different point of view for my last book. Everyone expects to read the same voice, and same sad to happy stories from me. I just wanted to gift the readers a book that is more personal more open toward the end. I wanted it to be convincing in a way and it was successful,”  
“So no one in this book exists out there?” The journalist continued. She didn’t look convinced.  
“These people may exist and some of the stuff in the book could’ve happened to them. Some of the characters are influenced by my childhood, but they are not them, ” The author was not letting the interview get to him.  
“So, if this is fiction why would you add a miscarriage, rape, and a disability, on top of losing a lover who didn’t know of the pregnancy happening to a 15-year-old? It seems rather morbid for you to write.” The journalist was truly intrigued. Jongin was calm as he answered.  
“Scenarios like that are neither new nor are they rare. Besides does the novel being fiction make it any less traumatic? I’ve had young and old people send emails, letters or walk up to me in the past month letting me know that I told their story. This book is a fiction, but it is not a lie, ”  
“Truly amazing work. Thank you for joining us today for the exclusive interview on Kim Jongin’s last novel Journal Entries.”

 

 

Jongin sighs as he tries to hide his limp while passing through paparazzi. He falls into the back seat of the limo with Jongdae waiting for him in the back seat. the shorter male began to stroke the tall brunette's hair “You made it Jongin. Congratulations”  
Jongdae never fails to give him strength through words when he feels weak. Jongin wonders why he never fell in love with him.  
“Take me home” Jongin croaks half sleep. The sleek black car pulls up to a relatively small manor an hour later. Jongin really likes his privacy.  
When Jongin walks through his door his arm braces are ready to be put on. Jongdae keeps walking because he knows Jongin is capable. He hears joyful laughter and yells from the living room telling him the boys are back.  
Sehun and Hansol are arguing, while TaeOh is winning while the twins are distracted. His beautiful TaeOh is about to start his last year of middle school and Jongin is anxious. It’s truly amazing how he survived that night along with his child. The three young men give quick greeting to Jongin while we walk by. He hears them start to complain when Jongdae makes them start to clean up the mess they made in the living room. He isn’t at all surprised to see Minseok-hyung in his work office, he is his manager after all. His face is strained, a common look for him before the book was published, and even more common after. This last book has been getting a lot of publicity, almost too much.  
“He called me today.”  
They didn’t need to specify who ‘he’ was.  
“…Oh?” Jongin walked to his work desk to shuffle around some papers to calm his racing heart.  
“He asked me if everything was real."  
“What did you tell him…?”  
“Nothing. I told him nothing.”  
“Good, he’ll see tomorrow that the story is fiction anyway” Jongin let out a breath of relief, his heart rate going back to normal.  
“Those memories you wrote Jongin, I’m sure he remembers them as well...” Minseok mentioned. Jongin didn’t have a reply, he just continued to pack the rest of his office. He planned on moving during the summer after TaeOh finished middle school, he was ready for them to move on and retire peacefully.

Jongin was selfish. He didn’t want to lose the one thing his precious hyung gave him. He didn’t care too much about his Kyungsoo-hyung anymore, but how his hyung would react to TaeOh. TaeOh was proof that their relationship was beyond his journal and he wanted Taeoh to himself. He lied about the miscarriage, but everything else had really happened to him, from the people he met to his life events. (Baekhyun called him last night asking why he had portrayed him as a semi stripper class clown. Even though the two hadn’t talked properly in years there are good memories that came out of his childhood) As far as everyone knew, that journal was fiction, but to Jongin it was not.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just going to put this here.  
> If you enjoy the story thank you.
> 
> If you follow me on twitter @B3low_1T you'll see some pretty sick retweets  
> I don't post much.


End file.
